08/04/2026
It's Wednesday. Yesterday I didn't go to work because I was coming back from Cracow. How was the meet up, Rose? It was so amazing. I love her. I love her so much. I get her. She gets me. We get each other. She took me for Vietnamese food, we went to a Lego minifig museum and then she took me to her place. She told me about Human Domestication Guide and...and yes. Just yes. I agree. She made me feel like I didn't feel for a long time And I love her, I want that platonic relationship with her, she's so nice. I can't believe she's real. And she still texts me, so she was actually serious about all of that and not some pillow talk....I hope. She's smart, she's nerdy, she's soooooooooo pretty! And she told me some really nice and heartwarming stuff and bsjwbidbwidbw I'm freaking out about her. I don't think I can fully comprehend it, honestly. I can write and talk about her for hours. She's also the first actually poly and in poly relationship person I have any relationship with and honestly? I get her. I get her even in that sense. I think about poly ever since I heard that it exists. I didn't really understand it back then and at first I was like "fuck no" then "maybe but no" then "it's weird but it exists" then "it's okay but not for me" then "I'm curious but no, I'm in a mono relationship" then "I'm drawn to that but I'm in a mono relationship and I think I might be jealous in poly" and then I broke up and was like "maybe poly is something worth understanding more" and now "i get it. I want to find out if I'm really poly. I understand it". So yea, she helped me understand it. I mean, of course not C4T poly, it's not for me, I understood that to feel fully comfortable in a relationship I would need at least one trans girlfriend, but maybe T4T4C or just in general T4T polycule. I'm trying not to overthink it. I'm scared it makes me a chaser but I just really feel the difference between my cis relationship I had and any trans relationships I have now. I feel so much more comfortable and understood and I can talk about my emotions in context of emotions without someone trying to implement that they come from me being trans or the same with problems or "oh, you feel that way because of your hrt?" like, come on, no, it's not that, it's because I feel that way, it's because I have emotions. Trans people I met see me as a person and not as trans construct that has only one character trait and everything revolves around that trait. I do know cis people, but I was surrounded by only them and now I see how little I know about myself because of that. I see how community is actually good, but not (I'm not criticising, only stating how it feels for me) not Reddit community, or Facebook groups or support groups that does little to support (I'm not saying they are bad!!! I they don't work for me as much, as direct). Community you live in, people you surround yourself with. That type of community.
Okay I'm writing this at work and I got a bit lost in what I was saying, sorry I lost my thought process so let's just leave it as it is and the girl from Cracow is pretty and smart and lovely and cute and I love. yup. okay. What's next? Rose, do you have hot water in your apartment? Fffffffuck no. Why would I? The energy company gives no fucks about their time limits so why would I have hot water? I need to get the meter first and they don't give a fuck. Is it illegal to let someone live in a house without hot water access? Maybe. But who cares. Not me. I'm happy I don't have to live with my parents. Sure, I fucking hate that and I would do a lot to have everything sorted out already because it's been more than three weeks already that I don't have it. But you know. Life.
And about life. It's been... actually really great. Things are starting to get better. This are starting to work out. I feel good. I even feel happy. It does feel a bit scary because I'm more used to fake it and to just push through endless hard times and to cope with difficult situations but not to feel actually really happy, and to just walk without pushing through. It feels scary because I'm scared I won't be able to live like this and I'll just jump into a pit full of mud just so I'll have some shit to cope with. But that's so incredibly stupid yes. yes, Rose. It is. But you know? I won't do that. I'll enjoy my life. I'll just keep doing my thing and if things get hard I'll know what to do and if they won't, I'll just keep living as a happy girl.
My eyes are barely open and I'm yawning like crazy and this posts is a mess when it comes to the whole thinking process of it. I'm getting lost and I'm running on Cesar sandwich, a single protein bar and a cup of coffee. It's been 10 hours. I'd die for some actually food or goyslop/fodder for goys (that's a targeted joke). And I don't think I have anything to eat at home besides old bread and some things in the fridge but I can't really afford to buy a microwave or an air fryer to make some actual food. Rose, microwaved food isn't exactly what normal people would call "actual food". Okay, well, thanks for the advice weird online stranger person but unfortunately my induction hob isn't exactly working because of the damn meter and the energy company doesn't give a single flying fuck! I have some letters in my mailbox but I don't have the key and I'm pretty sure that the only company I gave new adress too is actually the energy company so....so maybe I'm cooked
This post is already so long and with this fucked formatting I have on this blog, it's probably a nightmare to read. So. I'm going to take a nap probably and to summarise it all.
My cute little petal/mistress is so cute and so pretty and so smart. I'm starting a war against the energy company. My life is not so bad recently aaaaaand listen to whatever shit I'll put under this post
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~Love Rose