12/05/2026
I thought my therapy is today but no, it's tomorrow so...not great. Or maybe great actually? I'm a bit scared that if I'll tell my therapist everything - she'll put me in the psych ward. It's been, uh. I've been riding the adrenaline high for so long that I lost control. There is no more "Rose, the driver" in my life. I'm starting to doubt there ever was. I was sculpted by people to fit their mold and now I can't exist. One question and I broke down.
Racing with my friends, to them too, is not even about just racing. It never was. Risking your life just to hit 170km/h on a forest road with no lights on while line-racing is not normal, safe or literally anything. It's stupid but it makes you forget, it finally makes you feel alive. It's a case with all the people I race with. Literally. I asked. There's always something you're just running from. And the risk? Well, one wrong call and I promise you, as much as you trust your skills and your car, 10km/h makes hell of a difference to your grip while going through a blind corner in the middle of nothing. Trees hug the warmest.
Line-racing. Funny name considering who is driving.
I have a free week now, so I can do my internships. I gave the papers to the hospital as we already talked aaaand suddenly I'll "get the information on Thursday" if I can do them there. So, whole week off work and I'll have to take the next one off too. I won't have money next month. Not that this one I have but I didn't pay all the bills yet. Soon. And I'll have to do other types of work to get the money. Four times. That's how many times I need to do.
My company is almost def shutting down. I need some other job.
My ex and a girl that says she's my ex both just fucked with my head as the last thing they will do after I stopped contacting them and I can't fucking stand the scars.
I won't pass anatomy. I'm sure of it.
My parents can't support me.
I'm sacred. I'm so fucking scared. I don't want to exist like this. I never wanted that. I don't want that life. It feels like every gossip about me is turning real.
~Love Rose