Rose's Pit

14/04/2026

Haii pookies!! Cuties Patooties! Hey Rose, how you've been? I'm alright actually! I'm happy! I'm alive, I'm really happy and I'll have absolutely no money in a few days and it's been 4 days since my paycheck! What? Haha, yea, I got such a bad paycheck that if I'll be able to pay my electric bill (and I don't know if I will) then I'll be left with absolutely no money. Is it bad? Yea, yea it is, but you know, life. Also, I got prescribed injections! Huge change! Epic change! Will I be able to drive to Czechia and buy it? No, not really. But I'll figure something out. Tomorrow I need to drive to the energy company (again) and MAYBE I'll get electricity everywhere in the house and MAYBE I'll have hot water, but honestly, I don't know, I think that the heater to the water is not fully done and that there's more to it than just "plugging it in". So there's a chance that after everything I've been doing and trying and hoping that I'll have hot water and I won't have to use a damn fucking electric kettle (THAT I FUCKING BURNED SO IT CAN'T BRING THE WATER TO A BOIL NOW) to shower like a damn scout girl, I still won't have it. I don't really have food anymore too. I have two instant soups, a jar of marmalade, five sausages and cereals and 2 litres of milk. Oh, and like two beers and 1/4 of vodka. I will live. I will survive. Problem is that I can't buy food at work and I can't really bring just sausages to work because I'll look insane. You know, after everything that happend, after everything that is happening, after every bad and tragic thing that I experienced and how my life is slowly slowly falling apart — I'm happy. I'm still happy. I'm really really happy. I got such a nice complements recently and also I agree with you, seafood, I do have a lot of love to give, and I so fucking want to give this love to people. I love loving. I love saying "I love you". But not just saying, meaning it. I love saying and meaning "I love you". I love taking care of friends. I love my friends. And me? Yes, weird online stranger person, as a concept of alternative personality of mine that I talk with while writing this blog, I do love you because you're a part of me. Wait, what? Huh? No I'm...I'm real, I'm real, what? I'm a being Yea yea, okay, sorry that was a bad way to break you. But you know what I mean.
I went to a rave!! It was so cool! Don't worry, I took care of myself, I didn't do anything that I wasn't sure I'll survive and it was awesome! The girl I went with also had fun and she's also really nice and cute. We didn't stay the whole 7 hours, we went back to my place and got high. Oh also, I love cuddling. I love it so much. I...I...My whole existence Uh, don't worry weird online stranger person, everyone is fake and nothing is real.
You know, it's kinda weird. Life I mean. One time you're miserable and another time you're euphoric and you believe in love and you're once again feeling like you can be romantic with someone, just need to wait for that. Rose I'm... I'm still in shock but, do you even want to be in a romantic relationship? Well of course I do. From all the love I want to give, there is also a romantic love. Yes, it is very hopeless romantic core to say that I see and hear about couples and I wish it was me, but it's true, it's human to feel that way. Maybe someday, you know, I really want that. Rose did you even fucking figure out what do you look for in a fucking relationship, you dumb bitch? Hey, Hey, not so aggressive, I know you just found out noone exists but calm down. I kinda did.The closeness, the safety, understanding and tolerance, emotional maturity and openness. That's what I want from a romantic relationship. It's probably not all, but after all, everything can be summed to "safe, loved and respected" (#safe&loved). But you know, someday.
I think I'll be changing my job. Because I don't have set work hours and I work in a team, if my driver ends early, I end early, if there's no more orders for transports, I end early, the hours are not hour-ing. I need a job where I'll ear at least that fucking minimal wage. Because I don't. I need money. I'll... I'll try doing porn...One girl told me she can handle equipment, marketing, can give me her body to do it but I do the content. If I can earn like...300$ from that a month. I'll be good, I'll be really good. And it's something I can do in addition to my normal job so that's good! I'll...look for different job, not SW, but I also have internship and imagine you're an employer and freshly employed girl tells you that she can't be at work for like two weeks. I'd not keep her, and I'm that girl. Maybe I'll come back to the warehouse. Sure, I won't survive there. I already know it. My mental health will be so shit that yes, there is a chance I'll just retrieve and be basically a living dead. But if I won't find anything better, that is an option and quite honestly, that is an option actually worse than SW. But.. I'll manage, one day.
I'm happy, I'm okay, I'll manage, I love. Listen to whatever shit is underneath. Even me writing this have no idea what future me will put there.
~Love Rose