What's up creatures and robots and everyone else? What's uppy puppy? I'm sad. I'm safe sad tho, not like usual depressed, just sad. Yesterday I cleaned out Vectra from my things, none of my personal stuff is left there. It's the end of an era. I sat in her one last time, pressed the gas one last time, changed a gear one last time, gripped the steering wheel one last time like I gripped it the countless times before. I felt the nail marks on the back and remember exactly when I made them. Her seat hugged me close and soft like she was also saying goodbye to me. I felt the worn out side of the backrest from sitting sideways in her and hugging my legs. I took out the sunglasses that I wore while coming back from the sea trip this one time. I remember how happy I was, high on life. The sun looked so pretty.
I'll go through different cars throughout my life and I'll still have happy and sad memories with all of them, I agree. Vectra is special not because it was my first car. I never wanted her. I never wanted a wagon, I never wanted a diesel, and I never wanted an Opel. Those were my requirements. And I got a Opel wagon with diesel engine. I've grown to love her. I don't miss her because of the happy moments. I'm not sad because of them. I miss her because of the sad moments. The specific ones that will not happen again. Sure, coming back home after hearing about my grandma's passing and driving to her funeral is sad, but people will die. I'll have a car that I'll drive to my grandpa's funeral, to my parents. But I'll not have a car that I'll sit in not wanting to come back home. I'll not have a car that I'll lock myself in to cry because I couldn't do it at home. I'll not have a car that I'll drive home to help my mother when my brother was aggressive and beating her and destroying the house. It's all past but it's important to me. She put up with my bullshit. Of all things, I feel like she knew me and understood me. She had her quirks like not starting or turning off on the highway. It was a...constant problem. She didn't start few times when I needed to get to uni or work but you know what? She never failed me when I was extremely stressed and sad and crying and needed to get somewhere fast because that was a critical situation. She was always in her top form then.
I know she was a bad car in terms of general state. She was old, rusty, had constant problems and I called her a coffin on wheels. She got called a shitbox a few times by others too and even tho I was constantly saying how bad she is and called her names, hearing that from other hurt.
I wanted to write something good and positive but I don't feel like it anymore. I know it's stupid missing a car and being sad so much because of losing her. I shouldn't be crying so much but she's so much more to me than just a car.
Oh, one more thing. My brother said nothing about his defense of the bachelor's degree and didn't invite me or anything. I got to info about it from my dad asking if I'm coming, but, I didn't even get the invite and I'm sad that he doesn't want to see me.
~Love, Rose