26/03/2026
I didn’t suspect that I’ll be crying and listening to sad song I listened to in 2021 ever again. But here I am, in the big 2026 with AJJ and McCafferty on my speaker trying to remember what bad things I’ve done that lead to this situation. I can think of few but they are not stuff that would actually make it that bad. I also try to remember if 5 years ago I was listening to Wish You Were Here at home or was it in the psych ward. I don’t know, maybe both. It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s 2026 and I’m eating chocolate chip ice cream in my own bed in my own apartment and crying over my own existence. Is there a way to know people’s thoughts? That would make stuff so much easier wouldn’t it? You’d know if someone likes you, if someone wants to rob you or if someone hated you long before you found out they are calling you a whore and fucked up to other people you thought were your friends. Not that this is a very common situation but it’s also not impossible. Being all knowing would be the worst curse ever. You’d know absolutely everything, from the size of someones shoe, true meaning of life, if god is real to knowing who leaks your pictures to other people and who sends them to your ex because your ex has “moles”. The last one also isn’t common and it feels out of place to include it in the list but it’s also not impossible. But it feels also impossible to wake up one day, cold, eat breakfast and even drink affogato only to drive to your parents house and have the image of the people you considered closest to you get absolutely shattered because of the things they actually say about you and talk about behind your back, and to have your twin brother also agree with them and for them to call you things like „whore”, „fucked up”, „”hope she kills herself today”, „She’ll end up under the bridge and overdose”, „She’s so unstable, who would even believe her”. Like, it makes you think about things you’ve done for these people to have such a bad opinion about you. Was it being honest? Was it believing that one of them will keep a secret? Was it helping one move out? Was it being mad at one for not even thanking for stuff you did and telling that to others and others actually agreeing with you but then suddenly being the one at blame for being mad in the first place? Was it being bored and posting your nudes online like you did some years ago, with two of them knowing you do something like this, but suddenly now it’s not about being bored but some kind of cope in their mind? Well that situation is the most impossible of them all, right? Like, what are the odds? Why would anyone apart from like, really bad writers or even worse movie producers even think about situations like that? Even more impossible is writing about it in your bed after finally taking the ice cream back to the freezer, only to drive to McDonald’s to get some internet because you actually managed to ran out of it and your internet provider will contact you next week about Wi-Fi and router so you’ll be stuck all weekend without internet. But at least everyone was right. Perhaps the most impossible thing is to think that, well, you know and they know you know, so why won’t they just text or call and say “fuck you” to your face? They have your number. But it’s a stupid impossible thing to think about anyway.